It's time to stop and smell the roses, so they say....Carole, Brenda, Lindsay, and me are off to Italy! Katie is in Florence doing her 10-week internship and we will be staying right near St. Lorenzo Marketplace, near where Katie is staying. We'll be there for her birthday! Of course, that is depending on if my passport arrives...Carole received hers yesterday, mine should be close behind. Brenda and Lindsay have theirs. Musts for me in Italy--Florence, of course, Siena, Venice, Portofino and the Almalfi Coast. This will be my 3rd time in Italy, but who can ever get enough of Italia...
These days I find myself always driving with my windows open to feel and smell the air, one night I slept on my backporch--something I'd always wanted to do. I'm really hearing the sounds of downtown Plymouth--the church bells not only chime on the hour, but on Sunday morning they play hymns, the boat horns in the harbor--I have the most lovely view of them as they go out to sea. Music, of course, takes us all back to distinct times and the memories of our lives. I try to listen to upbeat and joyful music, or I can get into a downward spiral.
My life has changed...physically I feel fantastic, 100% back to normal--I am about 13 or 14 weeks postop now. I just guess I wasn't expecting all these curveballs. Keith told me about a blog on NPR by Leroy Sievers, called My Cancer. I can so relate and have had many of the very same feelings about this journey...for instance--when people ask, how are you?, I think now about how to answer this. Of course I'm not going to pour out my entire story to everyone who asks this, but....well, it makes me thoughtful about it. And...should I go to the dentist? Should I get my house painted? Should I get the landscaping done...the future is different now. I try, without getting maudlin about it, to think in shorter time spans, but it is a conundum, trying to stay optomistic, hopeful, search for options, eat properly, etc., when the future is so uncertain. I was telling Claudia last night at dinner...cancer, or any other disease for that matter, is a lonely disease, even when I am surrounded by people, I feel its unwelcome presence. It is just me and it at night as I lay in bed, hoping that sleep will come quickly.
I suppose this sounds as if I am a mental wreck...not so. I have my moments of course, but I think I am a naturally optimistic soul, and this will be my helpmate as I go forward. I do not really question "why me", because in reality, why not me...cancer does not discriminate. And... while the joy has changed a bit, I am still joyful...life is good.
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4 comments:
This is so powerful and moving to read. Somehow it feels even more intimate and personal than what you'd be likely to tell me in an average phone call. I never thought I'd value this as much as I do. Thanks for writing this!
Wow...your words flow, just like you. It is so incredible how you put it into writing. I told Brenda awhile back "Bev is going to teach us somethings about living" and here it is... thank you for sharing the moments. You are a true inspiration.
Thank You ! You are in my prayers.
Life is full of curves...some you have to hold on to something more than others...Your comments brought back many of my feelings and thoughts after a catastrophic event in my life. It is amazing how you are aware of the small things...sounds...Every day is a gift enjoy! Dance as though no one is watching...sing as if no one is listening...enjoy life.
The 2nd paragraph of this entry is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read. We all should live like this always.
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