.....no surprises

I felt sad for Dr. Michaelson...he spends a good part of each day giving news that is, many times, not such good news...and such is the case today. Not really a surprise, because at my last visit with him, he had barely left the door open a crack the the news would be anything but not good. Anyway, the short of it is that the cancer is in the lymph nodes, I move to stage 4, and we see how aggressive or non-aggressive this will be. My options are to go on a clinical study--no placebo, I would definitely be getting the drugs, or start "chemo" (not really chemo, but similar I guess, not nearly as awful), or wait and start treatment when I develop definite symptoms. I guess, since I feel physically great, he really hates to make me start feeling not so good with the chemo. My feeling, at the moment, is to go on the clinical trial. If something starts looking like there's a metastasis, then they'll start the treatment. Or I can start it now....hard to know what to do. He said that some people psychologically can't handle the waiting, they just want to start. I asked him what he would do, and he said there is no correct answer, but that he'd wait to do the chemo. I told him he was biased because he is running the clinical trial, and he admitted that he was biased but he gets no money from the drug companies, etc., he would wait.

I'm at the office right now, and am heading home. It's been a difficult afternoon, my co-workers are the best...I guess I need to go home and think about this and my options. Even though I was "prepared", I guess you can never really be totally prepared. I'm a little low, and my sweet little home in Plymouth is calling me....