An Update....

Well, it's been a long couple of weeks....I have not felt well, not even well enough to update this blog. I'm weary, short of breath, coughing, have had acid reflux to a ridiculous degree, my back is aching, and I have a swollen gland in my neck, that I've had for 2 weeks.....all right, enough complaints, but that's what's been happening.

I wrote to my oncologist and his RNP this past Monday, suggesting that maybe we should give me a "break" from the treatment, as I was feeling crappy and had these issues going. When I got there on Tuesday, with Brenda, they took one look at the gland and said--no chemo today. It was quite large at this point, so they conferred, and sent me for a CT scan of the chest and neck. They had me wait for the radiologist to read it and then sent me home. Kara, the RNP called at 8:30 the next morning and said that the lymph node was surrounded by necrotic (dead) tissue--the fact that it was dead was a good thing....but that there were cancer cells there also. She said that it had to be treated immediately by radiation, and had an appointment for me that afternoon with the radiology oncologist, as well as an appointment for another CT scan of the stomach. The CT scan folks balked at the idea of doing another scan in less than 24 hours from the last one, because of me having only one kidney, and the dye is processed through the kidney. Anyway, after much consultation, they finally did it without the dye, read it, and decided that they could see what they needed to see.

It was a long day--I was glad to have Brenda there with me on both days. We didn't get home until close to 7pm. The radiologist outlined the plan, consents were signed, and the appointment was made for the next day--today--for mapping the treatment and doing the first treatment. Keith called last night and said he wanted to come down---I discouraged him from doing so, because...well, I just didn't want him to go to all that trouble, which of course, is not trouble to him, it's kindness and love. So, we met at MGH this morning and we went to the appointment for the mapping. It took about 45 minutes or so, and at the end they "tatooed" 5 places on my neck and chest. The doctor explained that he and Dr. Michaelson had discussed and reviewed my scans the night before and decided that the treatment should include the chest area, where it showed new nodes that were potentially pressing on the esosphagus and other tissue, causing the shortness of breath and the cough.

We had a 2 hour wait after that, before the actual treatment, so we went over to see Kara and Dr. Michaelson. They went over the newest scans with us...they are completely baffled that only 5 weeks ago my scan showed that the nodes were shrinking, and now, they are growing. He said that I had been on the most aggressive treatment available, that I shouldn't think that I hadn't done enough. He has taken me off the study completely, as the drugs are not working. They both expressed that they are nervous about this latest turn of events, that this cancer is very aggressive...not a word that we wanted to hear. I was SO glad to have Keith there with me, to be with me, to ask questions, to assimilate the information. We headed back to MGH, from Yawkey, for the radiation, which was painless and fine. There may be some side effects, but not right now...I'll go with that.

So....that's the news from here. Not good news. I was telling my sister, Carole, earlier--the most difficult part of this whole thing was getting the original diagnosis. I have lived with it for awhile, it has settled in, I have been living my life knowing it, and have accepted it as part of my life....this takes it to another level for sure---I will no longer be in denial. But I am not giving up..I will continue to live and fight the battle as best I can. I do know that my optomism got me through those first dark days, and I will call on it again to help give me strength to fight the good fight. Thanks to all---for the prayers, good thoughts, karma--whatever works, I'll take it....